Maybe it was a Friday.
Or a Saturday, or a Sunday… Definitely not a Monday. Tuesday seems too boring and Wednesday too long but Thursday is not possible, it just isn’t romantic enough.
It was definitely a Friday.
I didn’t really know what was going on, it seemed to me to be like any other morning except, it was not morning, not yet. It was night, sort of. I couldn’t see the clock properly, my eyes were blurry from the strain of a night’s flood of tears. Yes, that was usual in those years.
Something tempted me to pray, to say all those forgotten truths that I once held true to and admit that God had changed in my mind. From a time when He came first, now He was last. From Eternal to Past. God: The source of Peace -used to mean belief and now? It meant relief.
But I maintained in my despair a hair, an inkling, a finest grain of sand of hope in His infinite mercy.
Surely if I couldn’t stop myself I could… Ask for help?
Aid. So I prayed.
In my heart I still hear those words, maybe the sincerest I’ve ever said, later lying in my bed, fever through the roof and a frightening realization that this really was the truth. Had I fallen this low?
O Allah, the Turner of Hearts, turn my heart to your obedience. If tomorrow is for me a day worse than today, if I will fall beneath myself, then take me in my sleep. I have lived to shame and now I am ashamed to live, and though I know that only You have the power to forgive, I fear a day when my heart will be so hard and full of stain that even repenting will be in vain.
I had conviction, at least. Constant in my understanding and firm in my faith that this would be it, this was my last day – a Friday? I didn’t deserve it, but, as it happened, Thursday wasn’t romantic enough – to fall in love.
I woke up. Unfortunate, I thought. Maybe I was just destined for flames. Who was I to complain? Yet I felt a weight upon my heart that said something big was going to happen, though I couldn’t have seen this coming. For the next few months I waited – and I say waited not because I was patient but because I had no other choice. That cloud hung over me, confusing my thoughts and causing me to lose sleep. I couldn’t eat. Sickness overcame me and all I could do was weep but it was an investment, I thought, into the wells of Paradise, if my Creator should so will.
The cloud cleared and that big thing? Now, as I ponder upon the heavens freely and tremble when I hear His name, now when I see, with light, the darkness from which I came, now when I long for nothing but His Face – feelings I can’t replace- I see that I’m enslaved; to peace.
It was definitely a Friday, when I fell in love.
The Messenger of Allah salAllahu ‘alayhi wasallam said:"Our Lord descends to the lowest heaven during the last third of the night,inquiring, "Who will call on me so that I may respond to him? Who is asking something of me so I may Give it to him? Who is asking for my forgiveness so I may forgive him?"
The Messenger of Allah salAllahu ‘alayhi wasallam said: "There is in Paradise an apartment, the exterior of which can be seen from the interior, and the interior of which can be seen from the exterior. Such apartments have been prepared for those who are polite in their talk, provide food to the needy, fast frequently and observe the tahajjud prayer when people are asleep.” (mishkat)
The Messenger of Allah salAllahu ‘alayhi wasallam said: "Make it a point to observe tahajjud prayer, for it was the practice of the pious gone before you and it is a means by which you can find nearness to your Lord and seek expiation of your sins and find prevention from evil.” (mishkat)
Or a Saturday, or a Sunday… Definitely not a Monday. Tuesday seems too boring and Wednesday too long but Thursday is not possible, it just isn’t romantic enough.
It was definitely a Friday.
I didn’t really know what was going on, it seemed to me to be like any other morning except, it was not morning, not yet. It was night, sort of. I couldn’t see the clock properly, my eyes were blurry from the strain of a night’s flood of tears. Yes, that was usual in those years.
Something tempted me to pray, to say all those forgotten truths that I once held true to and admit that God had changed in my mind. From a time when He came first, now He was last. From Eternal to Past. God: The source of Peace -used to mean belief and now? It meant relief.
But I maintained in my despair a hair, an inkling, a finest grain of sand of hope in His infinite mercy.
Surely if I couldn’t stop myself I could… Ask for help?
Aid. So I prayed.
In my heart I still hear those words, maybe the sincerest I’ve ever said, later lying in my bed, fever through the roof and a frightening realization that this really was the truth. Had I fallen this low?
O Allah, the Turner of Hearts, turn my heart to your obedience. If tomorrow is for me a day worse than today, if I will fall beneath myself, then take me in my sleep. I have lived to shame and now I am ashamed to live, and though I know that only You have the power to forgive, I fear a day when my heart will be so hard and full of stain that even repenting will be in vain.
I had conviction, at least. Constant in my understanding and firm in my faith that this would be it, this was my last day – a Friday? I didn’t deserve it, but, as it happened, Thursday wasn’t romantic enough – to fall in love.
I woke up. Unfortunate, I thought. Maybe I was just destined for flames. Who was I to complain? Yet I felt a weight upon my heart that said something big was going to happen, though I couldn’t have seen this coming. For the next few months I waited – and I say waited not because I was patient but because I had no other choice. That cloud hung over me, confusing my thoughts and causing me to lose sleep. I couldn’t eat. Sickness overcame me and all I could do was weep but it was an investment, I thought, into the wells of Paradise, if my Creator should so will.
The cloud cleared and that big thing? Now, as I ponder upon the heavens freely and tremble when I hear His name, now when I see, with light, the darkness from which I came, now when I long for nothing but His Face – feelings I can’t replace- I see that I’m enslaved; to peace.
It was definitely a Friday, when I fell in love.
The Messenger of Allah salAllahu ‘alayhi wasallam said:"Our Lord descends to the lowest heaven during the last third of the night,inquiring, "Who will call on me so that I may respond to him? Who is asking something of me so I may Give it to him? Who is asking for my forgiveness so I may forgive him?"
The Messenger of Allah salAllahu ‘alayhi wasallam said: "There is in Paradise an apartment, the exterior of which can be seen from the interior, and the interior of which can be seen from the exterior. Such apartments have been prepared for those who are polite in their talk, provide food to the needy, fast frequently and observe the tahajjud prayer when people are asleep.” (mishkat)
The Messenger of Allah salAllahu ‘alayhi wasallam said: "Make it a point to observe tahajjud prayer, for it was the practice of the pious gone before you and it is a means by which you can find nearness to your Lord and seek expiation of your sins and find prevention from evil.” (mishkat)
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